What?!? I’m cursed?? UGH..
Recently, I had an epiphany. For me, that’s not too unusual…but this one hit me harder than most. It all started from a very unlikely place. I was trolling Instagram, as I am wont to do, and as I follow a number of fashion houses, designers, stores, etc., my attention was caught by a post titled, “Lazy Perfectionist – Looking Good Without Trying”. Or something along those lines. I can’t even find it anymore… those styled outfits (available at a large upscale retailer near you) weren’t mystyle. But, looking good without really trying totally is my style. Also, the dichotomy of the words hit me funny, and being an walking, talking dichotomy myself, I investigated – intrigued enough to Google “lazy perfectionist”.
What I found was life changing. I hesitate to call myself a “Type A”, but I have always been motivated to exceed expectations. Let me qualify that statement, I have always been motivated to exceed expectations when the things I am doing come relatively easy to me. If I am not naturally and quickly good at something, I typically just move on. Frequently beating myself up about my inability to stick with something AGAIN. This has frustrated me for my entire life. I have unending curiosity, am very adaptable and a rapid (some would say rabid!) learner.
But, all this skill, potential and capability have never coalesced into success. (Success is quantified differently for each person, but I am referring specifically to my own personal definition.)
In younger days, when studying history, I always identified with the Renaissance folks for they were educated to be very knowledgeable on many broad topics (a generalist in today’s terminology). After discovering Emilie Wapnick, who explains that many folks are “Multipotenialites” – those that can connect the dots between ideas due to being adaptable and can synthesize tons of information and data easily. Hmmm, that seems like me, but yet I didn’t fully connect either.
And then I found that author Leonardo Lesponnato, who has written my memoir (just kidding!! Though it kinda feels like it…), titled “The DaVinci Curse”. He explains:
“The Da Vinci Curse plagues people who have too many talents and interests: they are always learning, but never invest enough time and energy into one thing. They are always swapping their job, their hobbies or even home and never become fully engaged in the many domains to which they’re drawn. Withdrawing interest while having learned just enough to feel that if I invested the time, I could achieve mastery.” (via Blinkist)
Ahhhh, here we go!! That feels like me!! But, does this mean I’m a dilettante? Dilettante, as defined by Wikionary is: a person who cultivates an area of interest, such as the arts, without real commitment or knowledge.
Hmmm, that’s not really me either; I mean I did commit enough to earn my BS and MBA. And I can research the heck out of pretty much anything (thank you interwebs!!!). Do I just like research? Not THAT much; mostly I like to follow my curiosity. I’m not a person that likes to repeat things over an over again – I like new stuff. Hmmm, that sounds like … practicing. I don’t like messing up over and over again, looking amateurish, foolish and vulnerable to criticism for, um, a long time. Yeah, nope.
So, this brings us back to perfectionism. Which is, naturally, fear based. In this case fear = lazy. If I don’t nail a new thing pretty quickly, I’m too lazy (fearful) to practice. I love to do the legwork, read all the books and articles and websites. But I dream big, I want to accomplish grand things and starting small, developing all the tiny habits necessary for great achievement is ugh. Yes, ugh.
Is this wrong?!? Maybe for another personality variant. But, maybe, just maybe, since this is me, I need to embrace my flaws and release the Kraken. Alrighty, maybe not the Kraken, but release myself from the chains of success on someone else’s terms. Maybe I don’t want to become great at everything. Maybe it’s good to have varied interests and to just follow where my curiosity takes me.
Aaannnnddd, that’s how I got to this blog. I decided to forgive myself for my native disinterest in practicing, for my inability to choose just one direction to the exclusion of all others, for my seeming inability to commit. It’s time. So, on this blog, I’ll be letting my nose lead me into all sorts of things that I’m interested in. From fashion, to music, to cooking and home life, the list goes on.
So, hop on board and follow me on this exploration! We’ll have fun. We’ll learn lots. And, we’ll do it in the spirit of my main man Leonardo DaVinci – the ultimate Renaissance Man. Perhaps I’m cursed, but every curse just needs a little twist to be a blessing. I hope you enjoy my Curse!!
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